How to enter Vrindavana. Class 5

17 ноября 2024 1:32:58
akrura pride humility bhakti narada muni kamsa pastimes of krishna rasa lila

{"type":"doc","version":1,"content":[{"type":"paragraph","content":[{"type":"text","text":"<p>We can only enter spiritual Vrindavan by meditating on the pastimes of Krishna in a pure heart. When our mind becomes pure, then only pure thoughts reside in such mind. As a result, we don’t have to force ourselves to think of Krishna – thinking of Krishna is the most spontaneous and natural thing we can do in that state of consciousness. We are not qualified to speak on the sublime topics of Krishna-<em>lila</em>, but we can speak on these topics in a humble state of mind, meditating on the exalted vaisnavas who have access to these topics.</p>"},{"type":"hardBreak"},{"type":"text","text":"<p>Arishtasura symbolizes a very important obstacle in spiritual life – the pride of the followers of a cheating religion. Proper religion talks about the importance of humility, because when we enter the realm of God, we have to do it humbly. If we understand the glorious process of <em>bhakti</em>, if we chant meditating on Krishna every day, the form of the Lord will gradually manifest from the holy name. From that form, the aromas of Krishna’s qualities will emanate, and then we will see the pastimes of Krishna.</p>"}]}]}

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Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya Narayanam namaskritya, naramchaiva narotama, devim sarasvati vyasam, tato jaya mudhirayet, našta praesva badrišu, nityam bhagavata sevaya. Bhagavatyuta Mahashlokhe Bhaktir Bhavati Naishthiki So we'll chant together the first verse of the 38th chapter of the 10th kanta of Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, which describes the journey of Akrura Dūbhīndāvan. Shri Sukuvacha, Akruro Pichatam Ratrim, Akruro Pichatam Ratrim, Madhupuryam Mahamati, Madhupuryam Mahamati, Ushitvaradham asthaya Ushitvaradham asthaya Prayayo nanda gokulam Prayayo nanda gokulam And we'll chant also the second verse. Gacchanpathi mahabhago bhagavatyambhujekshane bhaktim param upaghatah evamata dachintayat. And then the third verse. Kim maya charitam bhadram, kim tap tam paramam tapaha, kim vatha pyarhate dat tam, kim draksya yadraksya adyakesavam. So translation of these three verses. Sukadeva Goswami said, after passing the night in the city of Mathura, the high-minded Akrura mounted his chariot and set off for the cowherd village of Nanda Maharaja. The second verse is As he traveled on the road the great soul Akrura felt intense devotion for the lattice-eyed lord and thus he began to consider as follows. And the third verse Shri Akrura thought, what pious deeds have I done, what severe austerities undergone, what worship performed, what charity given, so that today I will see Keshava, Lord Krishna. Namam Vishnupadaya, Krishna prestaya, Bhutale, Shri Matai, Bhaktivedanta, Namaste Sarasvati Deve, Gauravani Pracarine, Nervi Seysa Sunnavadi Pascha Tadei Svatarine, Vanchakalpa Tarubhyaśca Kripasindubhyevacca, Patitanam Pavanabhyo Vaishnavibhyo Namonamaha. Jai Sri Krishna Chaitanya Prabhupada Nanda Sri Advaita Gadadhara Sri Vasadhi Gaur Bhaktavrinda Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare Hare, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare Hare, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare Hare, Hare Hare Hare, Hare Hare Hare, Hare Hare Hare, Hare Hare Hare, Hare Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare, Hare Hare Hare Hare, Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Hare Rāma-hāre Rāma-rāma-rāma-hāre-hāre Satsang with Mooji So the theme of this retreat, how to enter Vrindavan, not Baltic Vrindavan, and not even Dajvik Vrindavan, but Adhyadmic Vrindavan, the spiritual Vrindavan, spiritual realm, where Krishna resides eternally. And we can only do it by meditating on the pastimes of Krishna in the pure heart. The journey of Akrura, which we start describing today, is very exemplary in the sense that Sukadeva Goswami illustrates by explaining the thoughts of Akrura on the way to Vrindavan, how the pure devotee whose heart has become completely purified by preliminary practices, by sadhana, by prolonged service to spiritual master, to Vaishnavas, how naturally his thoughts are streaming towards Krishna and how ultimately they bring somebody towards Krishna. He very clearly sees the picture of Krishna and Balarama herding the cows in Vrindavan. And ultimately, the Radha of his mind, his Manoradha, will bring him to Krishna. So, two journeys, as I said, are being depicted. One is the material journey when Akrura is sitting in his chariot. new, brand new chariot which was given to him by Kamsa specifically for this purpose and another one is his mental chariot his Manoratha with Sankalpa and Vikalpa with two wheels of Sankalpa and Vikalpa which very naturally again, not artificially not force not through a forceful practice but in a very natural and spontaneous way bring him to Vrindavan. And I said that when your mind becomes pure then only pure thoughts reside in this mind. You don't need to push yourself to think about Krishna. The thinking about Krishna is the most spontaneous and natural thing you can do in this state. of consciousness. So, let's get into the story and then I will explain a little bit about these verses because we have to also very clearly understand the scene which is there. As I told in the beginning, Narada arrived to Kamsa on Ekadeshi day. That was Ekadeshi of the bright half of Palguna mass. And immediately, practically, immediately, he started saying to Kamsa from the outset, Kamsa, Vasudev has cheated you. His eighth son is there and he is in Vrindavan and Balaram is also his son. Two sons are hidden from you in Vrindavan. And Kamsa, immediately everything would be put in place. The puzzle was solved because Kamsa always suspected that something is wrong with this Krishna. Again, very spontaneously he hated him and he was sending his cohorts into Vrindavan. But when Narada said this, so the truth revealed to him and he could understand. And he became so angry and he took his sword and he wanted to kill Vasudev immediately. That was his first desire and first impetus to do. And he almost ran to kill Vasudev. But Narada thought, my goodness, what did I do? Now he will kill Vasudev, and that was not my plan. And Narada very intelligently started calming his down. He said, why do you want to kill Vasudev? Vasudev is not the one who is going to kill you. If you kill Vasudev, then Krishna will understand your plan, and he will never come to Madhura. So don't kill Vasudev. You will kill him later. Don't worry. You will have plenty of opportunities to kill Vasudev. you will kill everyone, Ugrasen and Devaka. And Kamsa, by the prospect of this mass killing, became very excited. And he said, okay, let's wait with this juicy part of my plan. Or bloody, whatever you call it. And then, yes, Narada, he directed his thoughts into this plan of how to get Krishna and Balarama to Mathura. So as I said, very interestingly, Sukadev Goswami says, we already chanted this verse, Arishteni Hattedaiti Daiti Krishna not Buddha Karmana After Rishita Sura have been killed by Krishna, who acts wonderfully, Narada Muni went to speak with King Kamsa, that powerful sage of godly vision addressed the king as follows. So from this verse, from the 36th chapter of the 10th kent of Simad Bhagavatam, it appears that practically immediately these two events followed. each other. First Krishna killed Dharishtashura and almost immediately after that Narada came to come. But as we already calculated, in reality almost one year separated these two events. And Sukhadeva Goswami purposefully doesn't say anything about this one year. more accurately speaking the gap was 11 months because Krishna killed Aristhasura in the full moon day of Chaitramas and Chaitramas is the next mass, is the next month after Palguna and Chaitramas the prunima of Chaitramas is the very end of Chaitramas and Ekadashi of Palgun, of the bright side of Palgun, is by the end of Palgun. There are two months which are next to each other. So, 11 months first Arista Sura was killed and then for 11 months Sukadeva Goswami keeps silent. What happened? But we as the followers of Chaitanya Mahprabhu have to be very clear what was happening at that time in Vrindavan. That's the secret of all secrets, so much so that even Sukadeva Goswami doesn't want to speak about this. Srila Jiva Goswami explained it very beautifully because this hidden year, year which practically is not described in Srimad Bhagavatam, was the year of supreme bliss for Krishna and his girlfriends in Vrindavan. That was the most amazing year with the intensity of feelings never heard or never experienced before. In fact, whatever stories we hear about Dangati, the story about Dangati and so many stories which are told by our acaryas and the verses which are describing the pastimes of Krishna from Ujvalani Lamani and Bhakti Rasa Amrita Sindhu to a certain extent, most of these verses, they are about this 11 months. Whenever there is some description of intimate pastimes like the pastime of picking flowers which took place in Kusumsarovar or the pastime of Dangati or whatever else is there. It's all happened within these 11 months. So the story goes like this. let's try to understand what happened during this 11 months and why Sukadeva Goswami doesn't speak about this. Because it's actually beyond the words. It's beyond the description. Krishna, for the first time, performed his rasa dance when he was 8 years old. When he was seven years old, he lifted Govardhan Hill. And exactly one year after, on Sharad Purnima, on the last day of Ashvi Namas, of the season, Sharad season of the autumn, Krishna, in one year when he was eight years old, he performed rasa dance. but it was nice it was beautiful it's the culmination of the whole tense kanto of Srimad Bhagavatam but it was not entirely perfect from our point of view everything is perfect from our point of view when the cows are giving milk to Krishna it's perfect Srila Prabhupada was very strict about this. He said, don't judge these great devotees because you will commit apparats. And we have to be very careful. For us, it's all perfect and it's all completely pure. But from another perspective, from the perspective of great Vaishnavas and Acharyas, they explained that there is perfect, there is more perfect, and there is most perfect. For us, if we say perfect, it means perfect, right? How it can be more perfect? Perfect is perfect. There is no degrees, but for those people who know the truth, for them, even perfection has nuances and degrees. So, what happened? When Krishna was eight years old, he performed this rasa dance. And why he was not completely satisfied? Because in this rasa dance which takes place in Vrindavan, so many different gopis have come. And some of these gopis were not really completely mature in their love for Krishna. And it was a very, how shall I say this, very democratic residence. Everyone, on a certain level of purity, can have an access to this beautiful performance, which is the highest manifestation of Krishna's love. But because too many different moods were there, and too many different levels of gopis with different flavors of their love for Krishna were there, it was not so absorbing for Krishna himself. And for those very elevated girlfriends of Krishna, like Shri Mati Radharani and her sakis, It was not so pleasurable because they felt that Krishna is not as happy as he should be. That the reciprocation is not as deep as it could be. And they felt sorry. And Krishna felt even more sorry because he felt that they felt sorry. This is how it works. Krishna is very sensitive to the feelings of his devotees, and devotees are most sensitive to the feelings of Krishna, and being so sensitive, they want to please each other more and more and more. And because their senses are so subtle and so elevated, sublime, it's very difficult, it's very easy to commit some offenses, some apparatus. And we have to be very careful even when we speak about this. Once I was talking with Silo Niranjanamaraj and we were talking about this, how to speak about elevated topics. Actually, it's not proper etiquette in Gaudiya Vaishnava circles to speak about elevated topics. Elevated topics are not for speaking. They are mostly for our for meditation, for reading. A little bit we can speak about this, but not too much. It's very important, and I explained yesterday, that when Chaitanya Mahaprabhu begs Rupa Gosvami and Sanatana Gosvami to remain in their service and not to change it prematurely, to cultivate this mood, very serious mood of these elevated topics. He also means this. So we should not speak about this too freely. And I asked Shiliniranjan Maharaj, what if we have to speak about these topics? if we realize that these topics are way higher than our level of realization. And who can claim that he's on this level of realization to talk about these topics? And Niranjana said, yes, you can. You can talk about this, but you need, at this moment when you're talking about this, to meditate on the exalted Vaishnavas which you know, which are eligible or qualified to talk about these topics. Don't talk as if you are qualified to do this. Don't make this mistake, don't make this impression that you are in the position to talk. Talk with the humble frame of mind, meditating on the great elevated Vaishnavas who can talk about these topics, who have access to these topics. So with this mood, meditating on these great Vaishnavas and begging their permission, I will speak a little bit about this. So because Krishna was not satisfied, and as I said, His main dissatisfaction was because he felt that Sima Tirdharani was not happy. Because he felt that she's not really so happy. he decided to have another rasa dance here in Govardhan. The first rasa dance, which took place when Krishna was little older than eight months, eight years, took place in Vrindavan. But then he came here because Govardhan is much more intimate place, place of intimate pastimes of Krishna. And at this time, he decided to be very selective. He decided to invite here, and we know that invitation to Rasadans from Krishna is coming from his flute. And when he plays his flute, it's a very special kind of play. Ordinary people don't hear his flute. Because even now Krishna plays the flute. Do you hear how he plays? No? Even you don't hear. When he plays his flute, only those people who are eligible to hear, they can hear. It's a very high qualification to hear the play of Krishna's flute. And he's very expert, so when he plays, he plays in such a way that those to whom the sound of his flute is addressed, they can hear. Nobody else can hear. So, he called and everyone, when the gopis hear the calling sound of his flute, they hear their names. It's very personal. It's as if he is sending the personal invitation, please come, such day, such place, we will have fun. So he called only those very intimate gopis, very, very elevated. And he started... He wanted to start his vasantaras. There are two famous rasa dances. Of course, Krishna played rasa dance many times, but two occasions or two events are very famous. One is Sharadpurnima dance, and another one is Vasanta rasa dance, which took place in Vasanta Ritu in spring. So this Vasanta rasa dance is described in Varaha Purana and Vishnu Purana. Sharadpurnima dance is described in Srimad Bhagavatam. So he called them, and he wanted to do this in Govardhan. Can you answer the question, why he wanted to do it in Govardhan? What is so special about Govardhan? What is the meaning of the word Govardhan? Yes. Govardhan means the hill or the mountain which expands joy, which expands bliss. That's the meaning of Govardhan. That's why he wanted to have this very special performance only here to feel the increased and deepened joy. So, in Vishnu Purana and Varaha Purana, this is explained. And the idea behind this rasa dance, when Krishna was meditating on this rasa dance, he said, this dance should be uninterrupted. It should be uninterrupted in a sense that the flow of feelings should be totally uninterrupted. The emotions are like water. the theorists of rasa they explain that emotions they have the nature of ap dhatu of this mahatbhuta, ap mahatbhuta of the element of water so when the emotions are flowing very freely without any impediments and when there is an exchange people feel extreme bliss But when there are some impediments on the flow of emotions, like you try to love somebody and he does something stupid, and that destroys your emotions. So Krishna said, let's do something where the emotions will not be interrupted because in Vrindavan Rasa dance, there were some disturbances in this case. So he called all the gopis. And at the moment when the gopis were running to him to perform this rasa dance, lo and behold, Aristhasura entered Vrindava. This was the very moment when Krishna wanted to have completely uninterrupted bliss rasa dance in the spring time in this Chaitrapurnima. but at this very moment Arishtasura sent by Kamsa most powerful demon sent by Kamsa entered Vrach. And we know this description which is there in Simad Bhagavatam and in other Puranas that Arishtasura was huge. He was a bull demon with huge horns and huge hump and his hump was reaching the clouds and when he was roaring or mooing all the gopis who were pregnant they had miscarriages and all the cows had miscarriages so this bull he rushed into Vrindavan and Sela Jiva Goswami says that when the inhabitants of Vrindavan saw this bull, they saw this beast, this huge, terrible creature, really horrendous. And they saw what he was doing. He was running and crushing everything on his way. And he was passing stool and urine. And Srila Jiva Goswami says that inhabitants of Vrindavan were seeing this and they were showing, look, he's passing urine and the rivers are flowing of his urine. And he's passing stool and his stool is like mountains, big mountains, huge hills of stool and urine. This is how he came to Vrindavan. That was his way of entering Vrindavan. contaminating this atmosphere by his stool and urine and his roars and he was very proud. He thought I'm so so powerful and so unconquerable. And of course we know that Krishna he challenged his demon, this demon, he He tightened his belt and he put his arm on the shoulder of his friend. So, and Srila Jiva Goswami, he raised, the demon was arrogant without prema. He didn't have any prema. There was no use in playing with him. So, he was so arrogant. And it's a very interesting description because when somebody is very proud, there is no use of playing with him. You can only play with somebody who is not proud, who is very humble and who is very nice. So, and Krishna, of course, did his usual play. So he still played with him, but in a very special way. He took his legs, he threw him and ultimately killed him with the horn and by kicking him with his legs and he trashed him. Srila Prabhupada in a very juicy way says he was kicking him and kicking him and kicking him till the demon left his body. And Sila Bhaktivinoda Takura explains that Arishtasura, why he is coming in the form of a bull, this Asura. He says what he symbolizes, he symbolizes one of the most important impediments in our spiritual life. That is cheating religion or the pride which manifests in people when they follow cheating religion. When people misunderstand religion, instead of becoming humble, and any religion, proper religion, bona fide religion, talks about humility. Talks about the importance of humility, because we're entering into the realm of God, and we have to do it in a humble way. But when the contrary takes place, and oftentimes it does take place, When people become religious, they become very proud. Only my religion is true, only my religion is correct, only my religion is pure, only my religion brings you to God, and everything else you will go to hell, and you will be burned there, to the rest of eternity. When people do this, it's completely contrary to the essence of religion. When people do this, when people preach this on the name of religion, that kills little sprouts of love which are there. Initially people join religion with noble intentions, but when the teachers of religion say that religion is about making you proud, because this is the only way and there is no other way, and this is the only correct way, everyone is mistaken and everything else, then your love is killed. Because following this path of so-called religion, you will only create violence to other people. Unfortunately, this is what is going on again and again and again in this world. So this is one of the greatest impediments on the path of real religion, which has to make our heart soft. and Krishna of course very rightly killed this demon and again Sri Jyugaswami says that this demon being killed by Krishna he was expelling his sins in the form of stool urine and blood and in this way the demon became purified and attained liberation. So, he was completely purified by expelling the faces and urine and everything else. So, and then the last impediment was killed or was one of the last impediments was removed. Actually, Jiva Goswami he summarizes this story. First there was a desire for meeting and then the meeting, then the demon caused disturbance. After the demon was killed they met and jogged. They produced Shyamakunda and Radhakunda. Then Radha and Krishna stood shining among the gopis in the Rasa arena. My mind cannot stop thinking of this even today. So, in one verse, beautiful verse, Shilajiva Goswami explains what happened, how Krishna killed this demon and how the gopis ran towards Krishna. And Krishna wanted to start the dance because that was the initial idea. That's why he called them. And the gopis pretended that they're not interested into this proposal. And they said, no, no, you dance yourself. We are too religious to dance with you. We cannot dance with somebody who is the killer of the cow. And Krishna was very surprised. He said, he was not a bull. He was a demon. Didn't you see it? But they were joking and they were saying, no, no, you're contaminated. And Krishna started, he became very offensive. He said, you know, he was a demon. He was the killer of the good people and you are defending him, so you also became demons. So this is how they joked in Vrindavan. They say that there is a song which glorifies Vrindavan. That every bush in Vrindavan is a thorny bush. every path in Vrindavan is full of stones and and thorns and every word in Vrindavan is just a rebuke and offense this is the kingdom of love but you cannot understand how much love are there in the stormy bushes of Rindavan and in the stones which are there, and then the rebukes which are exchanged by the inhabitants of Rindavan. It's pure love. But it's very difficult to understand from them outside. So, ultimately they met and Shyamakund and Radhakund appeared. They came from Patala Lok, they appeared here, all the Tirthas came here, and they based in this place. So this is what happened after Aristhasura was killed, and we know this story, that much we know. But ultimately this manifestation of Radha Kunt is very significant because as Śrīla Rūpa Goswami says in Upad-śāmrita, that Radha-kund is the most sacred place of all the places in the universe, starting with Vaikuntha. He gives the gradation, he says, more sacred place than Vaikuntha, Vaikuntha Janito Madhupuri. That Madhura is more sacred than Vaikuntha because in Madhura Krishna takes birth. In Vaikuntha, Krishna never takes birth. He doesn't know who are his parents, as we said yesterday. But in Mathura he takes birth. Vrindavan is more sacred because there Krishna dances, rasa dance. And then he says that Govardhan is even more sacred because Krishna was holding Govardhan on his left hand, on his pani, on his hand. But then he says, but the most sacred is the lake which is down at the hill of Govardhan. Why this lake is most sacred? Because Premamrita Plavanat. Because in this place, the Premamrita, the nectar of Prema, overflowing. that's the highest place where the love manifests itself prema manifests itself in the most pure and most amazing way and that's exactly why Sukadeva Goswami didn't want to describe anything further he says I cannot do this of course I will describe it now not because I think that I'm more qualified by Sukadeva Goswami I'm following the footsteps of Shilajiva Goswami and as a service to our parampara we should hear a little bit of what happened during this 11 months when this most sacred and most intimate place of pastimes was revealed that has become the place of the day meetings and of course the residence took place, but Radhakunda has become the meeting place, the place of the rendezvous of Gopis and Krishna during daytime. They were not satiated and satisfied by meeting at night. And at night it was relatively hidden. Of course, many people in Vrindavan suspected that something fishy is going on during this nights, but they pretended that they didn't know. neither Gopis nor Krishna could not tolerate any longer. They could not wait till night. Because you can die a million times till the night comes. Yuga Itam Nimeshya now, how you can wait the whole day without meeting with Krishna. So, the Premamrita Plavanat, their love overflowed their hearts and therefore they started meeting during daytime when the sun is bright and when everyone can see shamelessly, they would meet at Radha Kunt. And of course, very soon this has become known to everyone. but they couldn't care less they were completely immersed in love and everyone started talking about this but they forgot about this everything, they were completely immersed in love but because their love was so intimate and was so free and so unimpeded, then they really couldn't understand, does it happen in reality or it is my dream? It was happening in reality, but when they were coming together and they had these amazing experiences with Krishna, they thought, it cannot be true. It's too good to be true. I must be dreaming. So, when they were dreaming, they thought it was real, when it was real they thought it was dream. So, and because they thought that this meeting in Radha Kunt, which they had every day for long hours, because they thought this is just their dreams, they were not satisfied with this meeting, because how you can be satisfied by drinking water in a dream? You cannot satisfy your thirst by drinking water in a dream. So they were having this meeting with Krishna, but when the meeting was over, they thought it was just a dream, and we were just sleeping during the day, and now we have to meet with Krishna again. Otherwise, we will die. So it was really something very strange. This whole 11 months were very, very strange. Srila Jiva Goswami says that sometimes when the gopis firmly embraced the ornaments and dress of Krishna, Krishna would appear as a spurti at a great distance because of the rivers of their prema. Since contact with great longing produced loss of consciousness, it produced dream-like state and the spurti would disappear from their eyes. So, it was madness. It was total, complete madness. So much so that Sukadeva Goswami didn't even dare to try to describe this. So, and of course, the most difficult time this year was for Simati Radharani. Because she experienced Krishna's association in separation and she experienced separation in union. They were meeting, but she thought, I'm separated from Krishna. And when she was separated, she also felt that I'm separated from Krishna. Her So, separation became completely unbearable and she became totally mad out of love. So, and ultimately because it has become a scandal in the whole Vraj, then the elderly people in Vraj, they started locking the girls in the homes. and that was totally Krishna noticed she didn't come and somebody else didn't come and again somebody else didn't come and he would ask Madhu Mangal hey Madhu, what happened? why they're not coming? I'm calling them, they're not coming here and Madhu would say that their parents are not happy with what is going on they want to protect the reputation of of their girls, of their daughters, of their wives, and they're locking them in the houses. And Krishna was thinking, you know, what happened with me? I'm completely shameless. I'm doing this. How am I doing this? I'm bringing misfortune to all these girls. So he started suffering. That was the most amazing time, or was the most amazing bliss mixed with the most intense suffering in Vrindavan. And of course we know that in Vrindavan, suffering is most blissful. Vrindavan is a very strange place. So, don't come to Vrindavan if you're not ready. Vrindavan is not an easy place. it's not easy even to understand what's going on here when they experience meeting and separation separation and meetings all this prema vajitya and prema vajitya basically means madness out of love so they didn't know what is right, what is wrong when is day, when is night so and and then Krishna he started reflecting within himself, within his heart, what's going on? Why did I do this? Why am I doing this? And why are they doing this? And this is wrong. It should not be. And then Krishna again listened to his heart and he said, no, it's not wrong. My heart says that it's not wrong. I know from external point it's wrong, but my heart says, no, it's right. How is that right when it is wrong and how it is wrong when it is right. So Krishna became very bewildered. And he became very happy about this bewilderment. And ultimately he said, okay, I know. Too much is too much. He started thinking that actually I have to leave Rindavan. this thought would come again and again into his mind initially not so often but the more madness was going on the more bewilderment was going on the more it just was too much it was coming out of the all reasonable limits and Krishna started thinking yes Garga also said that I should leave, I should go to Madhura and all the signs are showing this and he started thinking how his girlfriends, how this gopis must have been thinking. He said they're thinking that I love Krishna I came to know him so intimately. I developed attachment, but people started criticizing me for this. And because of this criticism, my attachment turned into something else. And she would say, Krishna is thinking how they must be thinking about this. Osaki, the attachment crumbles. I'm so unfortunate, what should I do? So they were in this dilemma, in this very difficult moral problem. People know this, people criticize me, and I'm still attached to Krishna, and my attachment is being crushed by this gossip of people, but I'm still attached. So Krishna is thinking about this, and he feels their suffering. as I said in the beginning that that's the secret of love, when you love somebody, you're more sensitive to his feelings than to your own feelings you feel their pain and their suffering more acutely than your own suffering and your own pain and Krishna was thinking about the pain which they experience and again he was thinking I must leave Vrindavan but when this thought would come in this in his mind he thought no no how can I do this and then he again was thinking no no it's the best it's the wisest thing I have to leave Vrindavan if I leave Vrindavan people who love me and who now criticize me because I have this relationship with the girls of Vrindavan they will forget about this and they will lament that they left and they will be pacified. And he said that debts, wounds and bad qualities disappear with time. Let them come in time. And Krishna thought, no, this is a good plan. But the moment this plan would come to him and vividly stand, he thought, no, I cannot do this. If I leave, what Mother Yeshoda would do without me? What my father would do without me? And then he was thinking, what these girls would do without me. Their bodies, which I decorated with the pearl necklaces, will become just emaciated. They will be crying and crying and crying. And then he was thinking, what will happen with Shimatya Radharani? He said, the bodies of these gopis will become the kingdoms of tears. the tears will flow incessantly from their eyes he was thinking no I cannot do this I cannot leave and I cannot stay Krishna in this very difficult dilemma I cannot leave and I cannot stay and he is thinking about Shri Mati Radharani oh that body which I devotedly anointed with camphor and sandalwood will be drowned in tears because of separation from me and it will wither away, causing me pain. Radha, whom I previously saw as a fresh cooling moon, now burns my heart like a blazing fire. I came to this place controlled by her prema. What shall I do? Shall I quickly proceed on this path? making the bondage favorable my mind becomes steady this is not possible to have happiness from any objects so Krishna became completely totally bewildered and the thought that I have to leave is coming more often but every time when this thought comes he chases it away I cannot do this and then immediately no I have to do this and then no I cannot do this. So he is in this situation and Narada Muni comes to help him. If Narada Muni would not come, Krishna would never leave Vrindavan and of course he never left Vrindavan, but nothing would happen. And Narada Muni, he is called in the verse which we read before, he is called Devadarshan and Narada Muni knows that devas, demigods who came with Krishna, they're thinking, you know, what will happen with us? If he never leaves Vrindavan, what will happen with us? All these demons are there. Kamsa is torturing us. He should leave Vrindavan and Narada Muni knows this. So he goes to Kamsa and he instigates Kamsa to create this plan. And then immediately he goes to Krishna. And this is very genius plan and very important part of Srimad Bhagavatam when Narada catches Krishna in his sad mood. Krishna is alone because Krishna could not really be with his friends. To give time to these thoughts I have to leave, no, I have to stay, no, I have to leave. He would go alone, he would sit on a stone and he would cry and cry and cry incessantly. So Narada comes to him and Narada smiles. And Narada said, you have to go to Madhura and then in Madhura you will kill Kamsa. And Srila Jiva Goswami says, when Krishna hears that in Madhura he will kill Kamsa, Krishna becomes very elated and reinvigorated. Yeah, this is something I want to do. For a long time I wanted to do this. So, basically what Narada tells Krishna, this is actually the longest chapter in the whole Gopal Champa where Srila Jiva Goswami explained this. Narada Muni explains everything as the best of all astrologers Narada Muni explains to Krishna with minute details everything which will happen with Krishna when he leaves Rindavan. He says, you will leave Rindavan on Dvadasi day, no on Trayodashi day. On Ceturdashi you will kill Kamsa and Chanura Mushtika and Kuvalayapida. and after that you will go to Jain and after that and you will build this big fort in the ocean and you will marry so many. And Krishna is hearing this and he is getting into the mood. Actually, this Katha is necessary to change, to switch the mood of Krishna. Krishna is immersed in the mood of Rindavan. he cannot think about anything else and Nardamuni is coming to give him the new identity he reminds him, this is your mission, you have to do this this is the mission of your incarnation and then he also says and it's necessary for the inhabitants of Rindavan as cruel as it may sound, but by thinking about you in separation with you they will become even more mad in love with you and ultimately you will come back, you will come back for sure you will come back and when Narada Muni said this you will come back don't worry, you will come back, it's necessary this is the idea of your incarnation, this is what you should do, Krishna made up his mind. After speaking for a long time with Narada Muni, not even so much speaking with Narada Muni, but hearing Narada Muni describing him, his mission, Krishna got into this mood and Narada Muni said, a couple more demons you have to kill, no problem. So you have to kill Keshe and and Vyoma Sura. And because Narada is omniscient, therefore he is called Bhagavan. In the verse which we read already from the 36th chapter, Narada is called Bhagavan because he knows everything, he knows the future. And he described this, and he is the instrumental to drive the pastimes of Krishna further. So this is the junction point, very important junction point, and that's exactly what happened during these 11 months. And especially by the end of these 11 months when Krishna started thinking deeply and deeply and deeply. And this is just hinted by Sukadeva Goswami, when he says that after killing Arishta Sura, immediately Narada Muni came to Kamsa and drove the drama of Krishna's life further. So, and our Acharyas, they explain, please try to understand how difficult it was for Narada Muni. don't criticize Narada Muni don't criticize Akrura don't criticize your roommate if he is snoring at night don't criticize anyone but definitely don't criticize all these great people who are helping Krishna to perform his past times and to make his past times unforgettable to make his past times to make the impressions of these past times, the samskaras of these past times so deep that we cannot stop thinking about them. This is exactly what Srila Jiva Goswami explains when he said, explains in brief what happened in Radha Kund when Krishna first called all the girls and then Naristhasura came and Krishna was distracted for some time and then there was joke and then there was rasa dance and then they shined gloriously, Radha and Krishna. Their love overshadowed everything else and that's the only place in the universe where their love rules supreme. Therefore, Radha Kundi is so important for us, followers of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. And therefore, that's the only place which Chaitanya Mahaprabhu in Vraj discovered himself. He deputed Bugaru Bhagavad Swami, he deputed Sanatna Goswami, so many Goswamis, they discovered different places. But Radha Kund, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu discovered himself. Only I am eligible to reveal to the world this most sacred and most intimate place of past times. So what happened when Narada Muni spoke? Krishna ran away from his friends. Narada Muni spoke with him in a secluded place. And Krishna came back, and that was on Ekadeshi day. So, on the next day in the morning, he killed Keshe, happily. And in the afternoon, he killed Vyomasura, two last demons. But the night, from Ekadeshi to Dvadeshi, And at Vadasi, Akrura will come to him. This night, from Akadashi to Dvadasi, the whole night Krishna was crying. The whole night. He made up his mind. He knew, I am living. He knew already the whole pastime is there in motion. Already Akrura is coming. He knew that Akrura will come to take him because directly Narada Muni told him everything which is going to happen. He knew, but still he's crying. This is the last tears he's shedding here in Vrindavan. And actually, on this night, from Ikadashi to Dvadeshi, three people didn't sleep. Three people didn't sleep the whole night. One was Krishna. He was crying. Another one was Akrura. Akrura, the whole night is thinking about Krishna tomorrow I will see him tomorrow I will sit on this brand new chariot and I will go to Vrindavan and I will see Krishna and he is thinking about this it's not possible is it possible that I am that fortunate is it possible that it will happen I will see my lotus side Lord I will see him in person so the whole night he's fasting and he's chanting Krishna's name and sometimes he's fainting and sometimes he's coming back into senses and he's chanting some songs and again he's in this mood because we are supposed to properly fast on Ekadeshi we should not sleep on Ekadeshi night so Krishna is not sleeping on Ekadeshi night on this Palguna Ekadeshi Akrura is not sleeping on a Kadashi night before Dvadesim. There is a third person who is not sleeping. Who is that? Kamsa is not sleeping. Kamsa is not sleeping. Kamsa is thinking, he's coming here. Will we kill him or not? Actually, it's very interesting. Sri Jiva Goswami also explains why for the whole year, for whole 11 months, There was no demons disturbing this uninterrupted flow of love, which took place in Radha Kund. Srila Jiva Goswami says that before that, very enthusiastically, every now and then, every week basically, Srila Prabhupada said that practically every day Kamhsavut sends some demons to Vrindavan. Every day for, you know, just before lunch Krishna would kill somebody, according to Srila Prabhupada. But Srila Jyugaswami says, for this 11 months was no interruption. And he says, Kamsa was so frustrated that for the whole year he didn't send anyone. He said, what is the use? What is the point of sending anyone? So, he's meditating also on Krishna very intensely. And this last night, before journey of Akrura, is also very important. I explained yesterday that this is a very important lesson, and that what is the point of sadhana, what is the goal of our sadhana? We're changing the holy name, we're getting up early, we are trying to fast on the caddash, eating bakvit very happily. Those were serious, they don't eat anything. Trying to meditate on Krishna. But the point is, the goal of all these practices are very important, to increase our desire, to make our desire so strong, then ultimately Krishna could not resist. We have little desire. It would be good if Krishna would come. It would be good to eat some ice cream. It would be good to see Krishna on the same level of intensity, of desires. No. Krishna says, yeah, it would be good. No problem. I have my business. you have your business, you eat your ice cream and I will dance my rasa dance. I have somebody who appreciates me in a real way. So the point of sadhana is to purify the heart, to make the desire within the heart so strong and so intense that Krishna would not be able to resist anymore. And to make our meditation so vivid, so detailed, so bright and so brilliant that Krishna would manifest in the same way as we meditate on him. So that's what happened. And this is exactly what is described in these first verses of the 38th chapter. And yeah, we don't have too much time to continue. but anyway maybe next retreat we will continue with the same topic we started this 38th chapter finally so what happened again our charis explained that Akrura was meditating the whole night but before that in the evening when Kamsa ordered him on this day of Akadashi On this day of Akadashi, he spoke with Kamsa, and Kamsa gave his order in a very humble way by taking his hands and basically begging him, please do me this favor, please bring your two nephews here because I want to kill them. You are my loyal servant, so please come and bring them here. so very carefully he took this new golden chariot outside of Madhura he didn't want anyone in Madhura to see that he is living for Vrindavan and that also has a very significant symbolic statement for us when we are planning to go straight to Vrindavan when there is this final straight before we are coming to Vrindavan, it has to be done in great secrecy. As Srila Prabhupada explained, that at one point we will have to go into Nirjana Bhajan. In the Bhajan where there is nobody around or very few people around us because when there are too many people of too many different levels of advancement, you cannot really make your mind or create a very deep condition of meditation within your mind. So he knew that I want to leave this city very early in the morning and nobody should see this, nobody should know that I'm going to see Krishna. This is my secret. This is my plan. so and he put the chariot outside of Madhura and it's also important point which I want to make why when we are talking about spiritual life we are always talking about journey this journey of Akrura, Duvrindavan, journey home of Srila Radhanath Maharaj. We're always talking about journey. Journey is extremely important metaphor. Because, what is journey? Journey signifies the change of our identity. When we're living in the same place, Why do we have to come to Vrindavan, leaving their place? Because when we live in our place, in our home, in our little apartment somewhere in Bangalore or in London or in Laguna Beach or wherever it is. So when we're living there, we have very strong false identity connected with this place. and when we're living in our usual place the feeling of mind plays a very important role this is mine this is my house this is my job this is my wife this is my car this is my this and we know that this false ego false identity consists of these two elements I and mind false I which produce false mind. And this false mind, the false sense of possession overshadows our I and becomes our I. People are very attached to their possessions. And therefore, it is a tradition, it's a common spiritual tradition in all spiritual paths. People, at least for some time, they have to leave home and they have to go into the journey. And when they're leaving home, when they're going into this journey, they leave. Of course, nowadays we are flying by jets and going with these trains and we have three suitcases with us. To remind that time is still very important and very significant. but before when people were walking or taking bullet cards but mostly they were walking to go to Badrinath or to go to any holy place they had to walk for many many days they couldn't take three suitcases with them it would be very difficult to have suitcases with them they would have little only the necessary things and that would help them to obtain the new identity. Why journey is so important? Because journey is the significance. Significance of journey is that this is when you are building up and you are more or less obtaining or creating or it helps you to create new real identity. you don't have too much possessions, you don't think about your significance, your roles in this world, you're just going barefoot and you're begging you're knocking at the doors and begging for little food, at that time there was no guest houses, there was no five star hotels in all these holy places it's such a mockery to make the five star hotels in the holy places the life in the holy place should be very simple and very very sublime so that's the significance of journey and we are in this journey we are in this journey to ultimately come to vrindavan to understand vrindavan and we have to understand all these lessons and if we are if we are doing it properly, then the new identity will gradually, gradually develop within ourselves. The new identity of a lover of Krishna who so much in love with him and so much eager to see him and so much eager to give his heart to Krishna. So that's how we should do this. We should dissolve this mind, the sense of mind, gradually, gradually, not abruptly, and become this wanderer, mendicant, pilgrim to the holy land of Vrindavan. And this is exactly what Akrura is doing. and when Srila Sanat Nagaswami explaining this journey please listen I am almost finished of course I could go on for for many but I am almost finished for today so Sanat Nagaswami in his Sri Krishna Lila Stava he is describing journey of Akrura. And he says, As Akrura As Akrura meditated on your lotus feet, you expanded his eagerness and his ecstasy, his chariot reached Vrindavan, just as the cows were returning to the village to be milked. It's Sanatana Goswami. He knows the internal meaning of this journey. He says, while Akrura is meditating on this padabja, on the lotus feet of Krishna, at the same time, what Krishna is doing, Krishna is expanding his bliss. When... and actually it is also hinted in the verse, the first verse of the 38th chapter, when it is said that... Let me read this verse. Just again. Very important. One of the last lessons of our retreat today, which we should understand. And so this first verse, Shishuku Vaca, Kruro Apicha Tamratrim Madhupurim Mahamatihi Ushitvaradham Astaya Prayayunanda Gokulam. So let's, for the courtesy sake, to give respect to the 38th chapter of 10th Canto of Srimad Bhagavatam, which we were supposed to describe but didn't read even one verse. so let's at least briefly describe this verse because it's very important see Sukadeva Goswami says Sukadeva Goswami doesn't want to say about Krishna how Krishna feels, it's too difficult for him, it's too painful for real devotees to describe how, what Krishna feels, that's the reason why Sukadeva Goswami didn't elaborate on this 11 sour and sweet months, the sweetest and the most bitter months in Vrindavan. So he goes into Akrura, Akrura is more safe person to describe and he says, Akrura, he is very gentle, So, Apicha, Tamratrim, during this night, night from Akadashi to Dvadasi, Madhupuri Mahamati, which he spent in Madhupuri, in Madhura, this big-minded, big-hearted Akrura, Mahamati, why he calls him Mahamati, because Akrura is only thinking about Krishna. If you are capable of only thinking about Krishna, not thinking about your petty little sense enjoyments, it means that your heart has become big enough to accommodate Krishna within. When our heart is small, we can only think about small petty things. Anxieties, all the offenses which somebody committed towards us. This is the petty things of the petty mind. But when the mind becomes big, Mahamati, he like a cruder, he can only think about Krishna because Krishna occupies the whole place in his heart. And it is said, Madhupuri and Mahamati, he, Ushitva Radhamastaya, he mounted the Radham, the chariot, and Prayayu Nanda Gokulam. And he went, he left Madhupuri happily to Nanda Gokulam. And again, Acharyas ask, why does he have to say Nanda Gokulam? Everyone knows that Gokulam is the place of Maharaja Nanda. Why does Sukadeva Goswami say Nanda Gokulam? Why doesn't he say Gokulam? And the answer to this is that he's not going to Gokula. Simply, he's going to Nanda Gokula because Nanda means Ananda. And he understands while meditating on Krishna that there is a land of pure happiness, of pure Ananda, of pure bliss. And he goes to Gokula, and this place is called Gokula. It's not just Gokula, it's the country of pure bliss, Nanda Gokula. He goes, he leaves behind this Mathura, his all thoughts are there. But there is one more very important question. Akruro apicha tamratrim. Why he says Api Cha? Api means and and Cha means and. There is no need to say Api Cha. He repeats and two times. Akruro Api Cha Tamratrim. What does it mean? Why he says two times E-E? Oh, sorry. It's Russian. And the reason is that, there is a very beautiful explanation of this, is that Akrura, he mounts the chariot to go to Vrindavan. And at the same time, Cha, and at the same time, Krishna, is also coming together with Him. It's not only Akrura who is traveling on the chariot from Madhura to Vrindavan. Krishna is also there, and therefore it is said, it is Akrura and somebody else. Both, and Akrura and somebody else are there in this chariot. And therefore, here, Srila Sanat Naga Swami in this verse from Krishna Lila Stava, he explains that while Akrura is meditating, Krishna is expanding the bliss within his heart, Ananda Vardana. Krishna is so happy that Akrura is only thinking about him and Krishna is saying, be blessed, let the bliss of meditating on my lotus feet will become very real and pronounced within your heart. He's expanding his bliss. So this is the blissful journey in our final stretch to Krishna when all the impediments are behind us. When even Kamsa says, go to Brindam, don't stay here. Don't stay in Madhura anymore. Bring Krishna, go to Sri Krishna. This time will come, for sure will come. As I said yesterday, Śrīla Prabhupāda promised it. Sometimes when we hear about this very elevated states of meditation, we may become very desperate and very morose. But we have to understand and comparing it with our reality. You know, we're talking about this complete absorption and meditation and then we take our beats and Hare Kṛṣṇa, Hare Kṛṣṇa and our mind is already somewhere in another end of the universe. doing its usual business. So sometimes when we compare these descriptions which are there in the scripture with the reality of our life, we may become desperate or morose, but we should not forget that the gap between the ideal and reality, which will always be there, no doubt about this, between the ideal, the perfection and our reality of our life there will be gap but this gap will be filled it will be filled by the mercy of Srila Prabhupada of our spiritual master and ultimately of Krishna himself don't worry do your best and Krishna will do the rest he will help you to fill up this gap which will be there try your best Definitely try your best, but don't worry if it's not perfect. It's never perfect. It's never be perfect in our imperfect condition. But this is exactly what Siva Sanat Nagaswami is describing. He says, while Akrura is traveling in this chariot and thinking about Krishna, Krishna at the same time entering his heart and saying, let you become completely blissful. Let this last part of your journey bring you the supreme bliss. At the end of this bliss, when you enter the blissful Vrindavan, Nanda Gokula, the Gokula of complete pure bliss of Ananda, I will meet you and I will embrace you. Not even this, I will bow down to you. That's exactly what Akruri is thinking. When I enter Vrindavan and there will be dusk, and the cows will be coming to the village, and they were mooing because they had full others, and they are coming in this time when there is time for milking, when they are coming, Krishna and Balaram, they will see this beautiful golden chariot, and they will run and they will see me and they will pay obeisances because they are my nephews. They are junior to me and I will fall on their feet and then we will embrace. So he's thinking, he's meditating on this very vividly and this is what's going to happen with you. Hare Krishna. if you understand this process glorious beautiful process of bhakti if we try every day chanting holy name, meditating on Krishna gradually, gradually the rupa, the form of the Lord will grow out from the name and then the aroma of Krishna's qualities, gunas will be exuded emanated from the form of Krishna and then ultimately we will see the pastimes of Krishna and as we see it with the eyes of our mind it will exactly happen in reality at the hour when the cows are coming back from the pasturing grounds, mooing and Krishna is returning coming to his village and he sees, oh, somebody new is here. Wow! Somebody from Moscow, my goodness! Or from London! He is here! Wow! Thank you very much, Hare Krishna! Hare Krishna! So that was our last day. And before fading farewell to all of you, I would like to again thank you all for coming here. I would like to personally apologize for any inconveniences which you experienced here because our little five-star hotel is only one star now please forgive for any inconveniences or any problems which you had but I really hope and pray within my heart that you did feel something special in this place because the influence of this place is immense and that you will bring these feelings with you wherever you live. And every now and then would come back here in your mind, in your meditation and ultimately will come back here for good and be in this spiritual Vrindavan and Govardhana. Radha Kundu is close by. Thank you. Hare Krishna. Hare Krishna. So, so now we will distribute the Mahaprasadam from Radhamadava. and it's also very amazing that Radha Madhu themselves came here it's very rare chance to see them so close and so intimately it's amazing how fortunate we all are so many beautiful glorious devotees have come during our visit starting with Shachinanamaraj and so many others and ultimately Radha Madhava themselves came. So it must be that you are very special souls who came. Again, thank you very much and Prasadam is waiting for you. Please come. And somebody should start kirtan.

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